Relationships


15
Nov 06

Doing life together

Be advised: this post is pretty long and a bit “out there.” Now you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

I have a few random things that I get excited about, things that make everyone else think I’m crazy. One of these things is the concept of communes. I don’t mean communes in the hippy-dippy sense. :) More the idea of making good use of financial and talent/interest resources, and recapturing some of the joys of community that have sort of disappeared along with small, tight-woven groups.

This commune idea has been on my mind for several years, but lately there have been other things that have penetrated my consciousness. One is the way that Christians are perceived in the secular world. (I know, you’re thinking that my commune obsession isn’t likely to help that! But give me a chance to explain…)

At church last week, Brian played a video where a guy stopped random people on the street and played a little word association with them. “What do you think of when I say ‘Christian’?” and “What comes to mind when I say ‘Jesus’?” were two of the main ones. The answers were sadly predictable: “weird,” “judgmental,” and even “bad.”

This reaction from the secular world tells me a lot of things. One, Christians are really doing a lousy job of communicating the Gospel. I have this fantasy of people responding with “weird, but the nicest people I’ve ever met”. Which is my second point: it seems obvious that either the respondents don’t know any Christians, or the Christians they know aren’t really following Christ. Yes, that sounds a little harsh and judgmental, but it’s not really a judgment because it’s self-evident. If we were truly following Christ, the responses would be different.

I’ve also been reading lots of books that point out that most Christians don’t have non-believing friends. This is partly because it’s easier to be with “people like me,” partly because many just don’t encounter a lot of non-believers in daily life, and partly because of the “Christian ghetto” that everyone’s always talking about.

So what do all these things have to do with each other? Well, I was standing in the shower, and it hit me (isn’t the shower the location of all eureka moments?): what if we had a commune of sorts that solved some of the perception and relationship problems at the same time? A structure that actually makes it more likely that Christians would hang out with secular folks (rather than becoming even more of a Christian ghetto, as the commune idea might imply to some)?

Here’s what I’m thinking: an apartment building owned by a local church, in the general vicinity of the church. The intention would be to have about half to two-thirds of the apartments occupied by people involved in the church. The other half to one-third would be intentionally filled with secular people in the church’s target market (in my church, this is families; in other churches, this could be young singles, professionals, whatever).

Social and “felt need” interactions would be intentional and central to the success of this plan. For instance, with our target, this would mean things like child care, homework help, dinner get-togethers, and anything that would help a young family make connections and get a little less stressed. For this to work, it is essential that the church people step up and lead community interactions.

In my ideal world, this would accomplish a few things:

  1. It would foster meaningful relationships between Christians and non-believers. Not “we’re here to convert you” relationships, but true friendships. This is essential if we’re ever going to overcome the stereotypes about Christians (and get down to doing the work Jesus told us to do, already!).
  2. It would give us the opportunity to show God’s love to people in a way that matters. It’s good to tell people that Jesus loves them, but how about showing them through service that meets actual needs?
  3. It would help us grow as Christians. This would happen both through fellowship with other church folks, and especially through actually following the Great Commission.
  4. It would be fun and fulfilling! I think most people long for real community, and some of us find it in the Church, but still feel lonely most of the time.
  5. It makes financial sense. We could pool our resources (both financial and in terms of talent and interests) to create a community that is more than the sum of its parts. For instance, maybe someone gets free rent in exchange for childcare or meal prep for the community, while others pay rent that benefits the community.

Is this the end-all, be-all solution? Of course not! There would be plenty of problems to solve (how do you get church people on board for such a big commitment? what happens if there’s tension in the church—or the apartment? how do you attract your target audience without making them feel like pawns?). But I think as an idea, it has a lot of potential.

I have no idea if this is something that anyone’s doing already, or if any church would get behind it, but it’s on my mind, something I’m passionate about, and I believe that it’s God that’s keeping it in my mind and heart. I’m not sure what He wants me to do with this idea (our church doesn’t have the resources at this point to make this happen); maybe I’m just suppose to throw it out there. Any thoughts? (Do you all think I’m nuts now?)


2
Nov 06

Random reflections on relationships

Because I am a sucker for fun memes…

Rules: Randomly list 9 people, preferably people you know. Do not read the questions below the list until you create your list. After your list of 9 people is complete, go back and answer each question, referencing your list.

  1. Daniel
  2. Leanna
  3. Nadine
  4. Tricia
  5. jen
  6. Starlight
  7. My mom
  8. Chelle
  9. Cindy

how did u meet number 3:
She just showed up one day when I was almost two…

What would you do if you had never met 1?
I’d be living a different life at this point. My relationship with Daniel has shaped the last… almost ten! years of my life.

What would you do if 6 and 2 were going out?
Well, as long as they were just going out to a movie at the cheap seats or something, that’d be fine. But if you mean “dating”, well, I’d have some issues with that.

Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Yup.

How do you know 8?
From The Experience, my rocking church.

What do you think about 7?
She’s a good mom. :) Strong and take-no-crap, but also fun and fun to torment.

What would you do if 5 confessed they loved you?
I’d be a little surprised but not disturbed or anything. :)

Fact about number 9?
Cindy is beautiful without makeup.

Who is 4 going out with?
Davey.

What’s 2 do for a livin?
Right now she’s escaping Quizno’s to become a web developer.

Would you ever live with 8?
Sure. I’m all about the commune thing.

Where does 7 live?
Grants Pass, Oregon.

what do you think about #3?
She’s a nut but a lot of fun.

What do you love about number 1?
I love love love it when he’s goofy. Sometimes he even giggles. We have so much fun together.

Is 2 Your best friend?
Daniel gets that honor, but Leanna’s right up there.

Do you miss number 3?
Yes. Move to Boise already, darn it!


28
Sep 06

Amazing father-son story

I really wanted to do a long write up about this story, the accompanying video, and other videos I found as a result. However, it’s just not happening due to time and emotional lacks at the moment, so I’m just going to post the link and order you to read/watch (it’ll take about 10 minutes total, I’d estimate, but it’s really worth doing).

Be Inspired by The Strongest Dad in the World

Okay, go check it out.


11
Sep 06

A tribute to Lynette D. Vosges

Lynette D. Vosges, a victim of September 11 terrorist attacks

Lynette Vosges was one of the thousands of victims of the September 11, 2001 attacks. She was at work that day, at Aon Corporation, where she was senior vice president of reinsurance. While I couldn’t find a lot of facts about Lynette (I know she was 48, in the World Trade Center, and lived in New York City), what I did find was a lot of ways in which she touched lives around her.

Here is just a small sampling:

…I’ve known Lynette since I started at Aon and from that time on she’s been the sweetest and most caring person that I know….

Every time you walked into my store, your smile out shown all the diamonds that we have. You are truly missed….

Your smile as well as your laugh I will never forget. I know that you and Colleen are walking through that pearly white gate to sit at the right hand of our father in heaven….

I was fortunate enough to work with Lynette for a time at AHNA in New York. So beautiful, so stylish. I still remember our last Aon Specialty Re Christmas party with Lynette, Colleen and Gavin — such a lot of fun and laughs. That was always the way with all three of them and I pray they are together now.

Thank you for being such a true friend. Your support, sincerity and faith will never be forgotten. You were my voice of reasoning and one I could always count on. I love you and miss you so much.

We met at Guy Carpenter and Lynette was the first one to welcome me aboard and made me feel welcome. She was a classy and wonderful person….

I remember working with Lynette at Guy Carpenter & Company, Inc. a long time ago, during the early 1980′s. Lynette was a very beautiful and pleasant woman to be around. She brought joy to my life back then. I will always remember her….

I have known Lynette for 20 plus years. We had some business dealings way back when she worked at Guy Carpenter and we have been good friends ever since.

Although we did not have day to day contact, it was always a joy to get together with her. She was more like extended family than just a friend.

Her loss has by far had the greatest impact on me. She was just that sweet and I miss her.

…You gave selflessly to each person that you encountered on your journey on earth. Your kind friendship, your gentle laughter, your grace and poise will be missed by all who knew you. You never held back from helping others– if you had a skill or means to assist them. You are not and will not be forgotten by us. Each of those who were blessed with the good luck to meet you are lucky souls….

Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for all the love you gave me. Thank you for being there for me. I miss you very much. Love you always, your grand daughter. Now I am ten years old and I am in fifth grade . I know you are very proud of me.

Hi Lynette, I just want to thank you for being such a great inspiration to my daughther and myself. I met you many years ago and you always seem like a beautiful person which you were. My daughter adored you and will always remember you. I know you have her in your heart and always be there in her heart. Thanks again for coming into our lives.

I remember reading another comment about Lynette from someone who didn’t really know her, but had encountered her regularly when Lynette was getting her nails done. I think it’s beautiful that she was a person who is constantly remembered as a generous, loving person by both her family and her barely-acquaintances.

Aon Corp has a website devoted to the many, many employees they lost on September 11th. Since kids sometimes put it best, I particularly recommend the Letters to Aon from Manuel Perez Elementary School.

This tribute is part of the 2,996 Tribute Project (which is currently overloaded with traffic), a blogging effort that seeks to remember the individuals involved in the tragedy that was the terrorist attacks.

References: Legacy.com guestbook for Lynette D. Vosges · CNN’s September 11th Memorial.


20
Jun 06

Four questions

Sometimes I leave myself random notes. I have had this draft post sitting around since January, and I like it, but I have no recollection of where it came from. I have the following note:

Focal Point: A Proven System to Simplify Your Life, Double Your Productivity, and Achieve All Your Goals (Hardcover)
by Brian Tracy
p.s. I like the following exercise in pg 128 very much.

I haven’t read the book cited, and don’t know where I got the exercise (though I’m guessing that it was from someone’s review… wait a second, if it is, I can probably google it… and bingo! Apparently it’s part of a review on the Amazon page. That answers that!)

In any case, I think this really is a good exercise. Maybe I’ll do it soon!

Sit down with your loved ones and ask them these four questions.
1. Is there anything I am doing today that you would like me to do more of?
2. Is there anything I am doing that you would like me to do less of?
3. Is there anything I am not doing that you would like me to start doing from now on?
4. Is there anything I am doing that you would like me to stop doing?