Christianity
Doing life together
Be advised: this post is pretty long and a bit “out there.” Now you can’t say I didn’t warn you.
I have a few random things that I get excited about, things that make everyone else think I’m crazy. One of these things is the concept of communes. I don’t mean communes in the hippy-dippy sense. 
More the idea of making good use of financial and talent/interest resources, and recapturing some of the joys of community that have sort of disappeared along with small, tight-woven groups.
This commune idea has been on my mind for several years, but lately there have been other things that have penetrated my consciousness. One is the way that Christians are perceived in the secular world. (I know, you’re thinking that my commune obsession isn’t likely to help that! But give me a chance to explain…)
At church last week, Brian played a video where a guy stopped random people on the street and played a little word association with them. “What do you think of when I say ‘Christian’?” and “What comes to mind when I say ‘Jesus’?” were two of the main ones. The answers were sadly predictable: “weird,” “judgmental,” and even “bad.”
This reaction from the secular world tells me a lot of things. One, Christians are really doing a lousy job of communicating the Gospel. I have this fantasy of people responding with “weird, but the nicest people I’ve ever met”. Which is my second point: it seems obvious that either the respondents don’t know any Christians, or the Christians they know aren’t really following Christ. Yes, that sounds a little harsh and judgmental, but it’s not really a judgment because it’s self-evident. If we were truly following Christ, the responses would be different.
I’ve also been reading lots of books that point out that most Christians don’t have non-believing friends. This is partly because it’s easier to be with “people like me,” partly because many just don’t encounter a lot of non-believers in daily life, and partly because of the “Christian ghetto” that everyone’s always talking about.
So what do all these things have to do with each other? Well, I was standing in the shower, and it hit me (isn’t the shower the location of all eureka moments?): what if we had a commune of sorts that solved some of the perception and relationship problems at the same time? A structure that actually makes it more likely that Christians would hang out with secular folks (rather than becoming even more of a Christian ghetto, as the commune idea might imply to some)?
Here’s what I’m thinking: an apartment building owned by a local church, in the general vicinity of the church. The intention would be to have about half to two-thirds of the apartments occupied by people involved in the church. The other half to one-third would be intentionally filled with secular people in the church’s target market (in my church, this is families; in other churches, this could be young singles, professionals, whatever).
Social and “felt need” interactions would be intentional and central to the success of this plan. For instance, with our target, this would mean things like child care, homework help, dinner get-togethers, and anything that would help a young family make connections and get a little less stressed. For this to work, it is essential that the church people step up and lead community interactions.
In my ideal world, this would accomplish a few things:
- It would foster meaningful relationships between Christians and non-believers. Not “we’re here to convert you” relationships, but true friendships. This is essential if we’re ever going to overcome the stereotypes about Christians (and get down to doing the work Jesus told us to do, already!).
- It would give us the opportunity to show God’s love to people in a way that matters. It’s good to tell people that Jesus loves them, but how about showing them through service that meets actual needs?
- It would help us grow as Christians. This would happen both through fellowship with other church folks, and especially through actually following the Great Commission.
- It would be fun and fulfilling! I think most people long for real community, and some of us find it in the Church, but still feel lonely most of the time.
- It makes financial sense. We could pool our resources (both financial and in terms of talent and interests) to create a community that is more than the sum of its parts. For instance, maybe someone gets free rent in exchange for childcare or meal prep for the community, while others pay rent that benefits the community.
Is this the end-all, be-all solution? Of course not! There would be plenty of problems to solve (how do you get church people on board for such a big commitment? what happens if there’s tension in the church—or the apartment? how do you attract your target audience without making them feel like pawns?). But I think as an idea, it has a lot of potential.
I have no idea if this is something that anyone’s doing already, or if any church would get behind it, but it’s on my mind, something I’m passionate about, and I believe that it’s God that’s keeping it in my mind and heart. I’m not sure what He wants me to do with this idea (our church doesn’t have the resources at this point to make this happen); maybe I’m just suppose to throw it out there. Any thoughts? (Do you all think I’m nuts now?)
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You are a little nutty but that is why I love you. Other than the obvious (what to do when there is tension in the “church” or when people need their space) it is a great idea.
yup.. your nuts =)
seriously, i do like the concept. you could tone it down a bit and start with a smaller implementation. what about renting a room in your home? this would still have a smaller comune feeling, but be practical and less beuracracy than trying to manage a rental complex (and associating headaches) and rid you of some of the really complicated stuff of how to you evict someone in a christian manner.
and yes, my eureka moments are in the shower as well. I think my employer should upgrade the facilities, we’d have more monumental brearthroughs i’m sure.
that or let me come in an hour late ’cause i was thinking’
I have felt as you do that the sense of community is being lost with our generation. I’ve serously thought about buying a real compound, one where I could live with my parents (who could help raise my kids) to bring us back to our roots of community, and social interaction that is practical and fun.
It’s a wonderful idea and it would certainly help, but I fear that sheer exposure is not the fundamental problem/solution. Rather, the root issue is that people are losing the ability to have intelligent open-minded discussions. Whether the topic is politics, religion, or what type of beer tastes best, I find that individuals have increasingly hard and fast opinions and that they are just not willing to discuss alternatives. This head in the sand mentality prevents us from leveraging each other for growth. And it’s a shame. Just my two bits!
When living in Southern California being a Christian meant being in a bubble. And no drinking. And don’t even THINK about being a Christian and smoking . . . And . . . And . . .
Moving to the Intermountain West was a move out of that bubble. While trying out a VERY strong Christian church I attended a men’s retreat. Wine. Cigars. Cards. The men were being real.
My wife and I have found it extremely difficult to find a church in our area that is balanced. The search seems so futile at times. So . . . we thought we’d start our own church …. the Church of the Down to Earth. Got a problem? C’mon over. We’ll talk about it over a beer or a glass of wine on the back porch.
I like your thinking, Sarah. Keep it up.
I am a church administrator and the pastor of my church shared this with me last year when it came across his desk. I wrote on it how I loved the idea.
Shortly after…I mean within weeks I was given the opportunity to put this into practice on a smaller scale.
A very dear friend of my family’s is going to Iraq for a 2nd tour of duty and his wife, who is like a sister to me, would have been in TX alone with our 2 God-children. Our 10 year old God daughter was adopted within the previous 3 years from the Ukraine. (There are 4 in my family and their family added 3-4 more depending on whether our friend was on leave,and between us we had 3 ferrets, 3 cats, and 1 lovable yorkie) They attend church as a family on a regular basis, he is looking forward to being a pastor one day and she is praying he won’t be. She’s very judgmental at times of herself an others. She doens’ t like to be involved with other people outside her bubble. She has alot of esteem and unresolved issues from her childhood. She didn’t want anymore children after their son but her husband wanted to adopt.
Needless to say she was facing alot of stressful decisions and her desire was to be near family, she only has 1 brother living and he is about 5 1/2 hours away and her husband’s family is about 1 1/2 hours away from us. Their house went on the market…we immediately started finishing our downstairs bonus area w/bathroom.
They moved in October 15th.
There has been alot of groaning and growing, crying and laughing, fighting and fun. We are doing life together!! and it is beautiful.
She doesn’t work. I have since started back to college so she has become a loving caregiver to my 8 yr old son. She enjoys cooking the nightly meal (even though she has had GI bypass surgery) and my husband and I clean up after. If any family goes out of town there are built in pet sitters, quality time with one child is easy with built in sitter for the other child.
We play games together, attend church together, plan eat outs and eat ins together. she and my daughter and I are planning a girls trip to VA Beach to see my daughter’s fiance.
I would have to say the most challenges have risen when it comes to parenting. They are authoritarian and we are authoritative. But we have come to love and respect each others boundaries in that area. We have embraced the fact the none of the children will die being exposed to either style of parenting and as children do so easily…they have adapted well to having 3 parental figures.
My daughter recently got engaged to a man in the Army and my sister-friend has provided much counseling for her in this time that they are apart from one another.
I tease her often about being my most high maintenance friend-her love language is quality time. But the great thing is the 3 adults are all different in that area- mine is acts of service, and my husband’s is touch.
God meant for us to do life together!
After living in the “commune” 4 and 1/2 months now she told her husband on the phone (jokingly, because the first 2 months every time something went wrong she was looking for an apartment) that she thinks she has decided she wants to live with us until his return in March 2009.
BTW, I don’t think you’re nuts and I do love it!